Big Changes to be Announced for The Rock and Roll Report!

I want to be the first to let you all know that there are big changes coming up for The Rock and Roll Report. I will be partnering with three incredibly visionary companies, Clear Channel Communications, AOL and Rolling Stone Magazine to bring you the absolute best in youth branded entertainment news to the Internet which as we all know, is obviously devoid of truly professionally created and entertaining content. To better serve you, the reader, I will now be based out of Hollywood, California, the absolute epicenter of rock and roll and all things of global importance. Besides airing a regular 5 minute Radio Minute sponsored by Frito Lay on all Clear Channel radio stations (with a new and exciting name to be announced shortly), I will be filming regular spots on Entertainment Tonight with Mary Hart and Jann S. Wenner featuring everything that you ever wanted to know about Ruben Stoddard, Kelly Clarkson and that rock and roll rascal you love to hate Simon Cowell and rumor has it that Kelly Osbourne, William Hung and that guy from The Bachelor (you know the one!) might make an appearance or two! On top of all of this excitement, we will be unveiling some absolutely unbelievable technology on this site that will allow you to download actual samples of some incredible perfumes and colognes from our sponsors so that you will not miss for a second that beautiful, asthma inducing glory that is those small sample scratch cards that clutter, I mean enhance your magazine reading experience. Last but not least, in association with a major sponsorship deal with a software company I know you all love, we will be producing an amazing online talent competition to discover the next Brittany/Janet/Christina/Justin wannabe because I know that you the reader have been crying out for more of the same high quality product, I mean music that has been foisted, I mean promoted to you over the last three years by the incredible music loving major record labels that deserve, no actually require our support as true blue right thinking non-illegal music downloading music consumers.
So sit back, take a nice generous sip of a satisfying Coca Cola and get ready for the New Rock and Roll Pop Entertainment Digital Report and (patent pending) Digital Experience (Limited to One Computer Only but if you have another Computer You will be Able to Purchase Additional Licenses for a Low, Low Discounted Price) where we will make sure all your musical needs will be taken care of for a mere $19.95 per month, $14.95 for any additional electronic computing device each (currently Windows only, we hope to support Macs “real soon” but not that other communistic operating system sucking the lifeblood out of American software development). I know that you are just going to love it baby, because our massive research and marketing department tell us that you will. This is the future of music, the Internet, weblogs and the “digital experience” that you have been hearing about so you are either for us or against us. I hope for the safety of your online experience that you are for us! Thanks for reading. You will now be seeing 3 quick, exciting interactive ads for products I am sure that you or someone you know will love. Once this non-optional interactive experience has concluded, control of your web browser will be returned to you, until tomorrow. The New Rock and Roll Pop Entertainment Digital Report and (patent pending) Digital Experience. Where “Indie” is an unnecessary complication to true musical happiness. A great way to start your April!
Ciao babies!